there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
