This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
