Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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