I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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