I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
