I've blown a few things in my day
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
