She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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