I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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