can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
