I got chris browned last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
