Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
