I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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