So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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