My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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