so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
