Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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