The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
