You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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