Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
