all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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