So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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