half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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