i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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