dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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