I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
