the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am one with the molecules
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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