I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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