If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
