Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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