my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
