she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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