Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
