Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
