I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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