your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
