And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
