just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
