I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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