You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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