Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
