ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
