You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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