so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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