tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
