jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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