Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
