I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
