It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A bitchslap is in order.
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