Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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