His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have fence marks all over my body
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
