Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
