It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
