New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
