you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
