so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
