i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
