Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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