Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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