My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
