why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
