The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
