and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
