we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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