after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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