Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
