the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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