there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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