Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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