Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
