He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
