I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
