she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
