When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
