I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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