I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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