We're like a lot better than the average bears
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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