First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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