How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
