Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
