Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
