she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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