I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So many bounce houses so little time
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
